Yep… Sean calls home.
A lot.
Not that I mind. I
don’t mind a bit.
I don’t mind that I carry my cellphone with me
everywhere…the bathroom, the shower, when I run out to retrieve the garbage
cans from the curb.
I don’t even mind when he phones me while I’m taking a big
exam at school. I always make sure that
the test proctor knows that if my phone alerts me then I need to take the call.
And it’s happened.
I’ll be in the middle of taking my test and my phone silently vibrates
on my desk. I look at it… see that it’s
Sean… and walk out of the room.
He calls me all the time in between changing classes but
most especially after 1st period.
It’s a class that is way too stimulating for him. It’s face-paced and verbal-instruction
based. Those are two of the most
difficult things for Sean to deal with.
By the time he’s finished in there he’s simply spent. He’s overloaded. Overwhelmed. He’s had
enough.
And so he calls me.
“Hi Mom.”
I know from the sound of his voice how he’s doing. I know the sighs, the breaths, the pauses.
Passing periods between classes last only a few
minutes. Therefore, I only have 60
seconds or so to assess what my son needs from me and get him back on track.
It’s like speed dating…or speed therapy… with Dr. Phil.
“You’re OK Sean.
Class is over. It’s going to be
OK.”
“Mom….”
I try to re-direct him as soon as I can.
“Put it behind you.
It’s over. What’s your next
class? Go to your next class. You’re going to have a good day….”
Usually he’ll say, “Math.
OK. Bye. Love you.”
And then we’re done.
He goes on with his day and I go on with mine. But I can never shake that feeling from that
first phone call every morning. I
worry. Is he really going to be able to
decompress and carry on?
The length of time before the next phone call comes
determines the answers to those questions.
If it’s right after the next class then I know it’s going to
be a really rough day for him and that first phone call will turn into 4 or 5
or 6 phone calls to get him through until dismissal time.
I center Sean. I
calm him.
I’m his lifeline.
And if I have to carry my cellphone every single minute for
the rest of my life then I will.
Not because I have to….
But because I’m his mom.
And while I’m taking college courses again to find a
career…a job… I oftentimes find myself wondering.
As I walked out of my exam today and through the parking
lot, I thought, “Why am I doing this? I
already have a job.”
I’m a mom of a disabled child and that means more than
anything else in the world. No job
title, no promotion, no paycheck could be more important.
Exams, grocery shopping, even snuggling with my husband on
his day off can wait…
I need to take a call.
