I'm difficult. I admit it. I'm complex. I'm complicated. I'm a witch on a broom one minute and an understanding friend the next.
But at least I’m me and I live Life like I’m grabbing onto a car bumper and “skitching” behind it in the winter… deliriously happy one moment, astonishingly stupid the next, always on the brink of something going wrong and madder than hell when it does.
You can say my life contains drama…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Besides, how do you get a drama-free life? How?
People come and go from my life constantly. The other day I posted on my facebook page that I walk through people’s lives and sometimes I stop to chat.
I ran across someone a few weeks ago that said something akin to that they wanted friends who were drama-free.
Well, that would not be me.
I may not gossip about my co-workers. I don’t have drug or alcohol dependencies. I’m not fighting with an ex.
I don’t even care all that much about my weight.
But I do have children and one of them has a disability.
That, by itself, is all the drama my life has room for.
I cry. I scream. I complain.
I write letters and stand up for my son (and sometimes for myself). I find strength where I never thought I had it.
I have little patience for people’s ignorance and basically want to smack them upside their heads and shout, “Listen! You might just learn something.”
And when I can’t seem to fight anymore… I feel like I don’t have anything left… I fight some more.
Thus, I’m moody. I’m sensitive. I’m needy. I’m demanding. I need more hugs than a hug convention can give.
And I need friends.
Friends to talk to. Friends to bitch with. Friends who will listen even though they have heard it all before.
I need friends to reach out to after that phone call from school, the email that contained news of another dead end, the mail that brought yet another insurance denial.
I need friends for those quiet times… the times when I am in my head and I am overwhelmed by the tasks that lie ahead of me, the sheer magnitude of details that go into raising an autistic child, or the fear of a future that appears to be approaching all too quickly.
So to those people who want drama-free friends, I’ll say this… I’m just going to keep walking. I’m not going to stop and chat.
I don’t know how you get to be drama-free. Is it from living in a perfectly controlled bubble? Is it from not interacting with people? Is it from not having passion and fire?
Because I have passion and fire….
And while my life can sometimes be really hard and sometimes can really suck, it also can be rewarding and beautiful.
Do you know that Sean put on deodorant the other day without me telling him? How long have we been working on that? Four years? Five?
I practically jumped for joy but I didn’t. I quietly celebrated in my head.
And then I remembered that the mask of drama has two sides… one happy and one sad.
So if you want to have a drama-free life and erase all the bad then you’re also going to have to get rid of all the good.
Sean put on deodorant the other day. Imagine that.
That’s drama. That’s my life. And I’ll take it any day.
You…the person who won’t be my friend…can just watch me walk away.