Controlling the Control Freak

I did something the other day that was completely against my control freak nature.  It was against every fiber of my DNA… against every cell of my being.

I walked away and let someone else handle Sean.

I know!!!!

Unbelievable!

Believe me, it wasn’t easy at all.

My stomach still has that sick feeling in the pit of it from that day.

But everything’s ok and that’s the important thing.

Sean was having a horrible day at high school.  He called me after 1^st period and told me about how hard his class was.  He was down… felt he couldn’t do anything without asking someone for help.

I told him to shake it off…it’s Friday….the class is over…go on and have a good rest of the day.

I thought that was it.

And then he called again an hour or so later.

He was trying to hold himself together.  Finally he got to a bathroom and started sobbing.

Math had done him in.  He had a test and he felt like he couldn’t do the problems.  He had no idea what they were about.

It was gut wrenching to listen to.  Absolutely gut wrenching.

Sean needed to pee.  That’s his “go-to” thing when he’s overwhelmed.

He needs to pee….

I had visions of the cell phone falling into the toilet so I instructed him to hang up with me, go pee, and then to head down to Student Services where I knew he could talk to someone.

Student Services and the nurse’s office were supposed to be Sean’s “safe zone.”

I told him to call me back as soon as he was done pee’ing.

He hung up.

And then silence.

I called down to Student Services to tell them to expect Sean.

But Sean never arrived and he never called.

I was freaking out.  Why didn’t I stay on the phone with him?  Where was he? 

I had my sobbing son on the phone with me while he was in the bathroom and I told him to hang up on me.

What was I thinking???

I called down to Student Services in between trying to get through on Sean’s cell phone.

They hadn’t seen him yet.  Did I know which bathroom he was in?

No.

Why didn’t I ask him?

The minutes ticked by while the school had security do a bathroom sweep.

They finally found him… in class.  Meltdown or not, Sean was still worried about missing his next period.

Nothing like sticking to a routine, huh?

The staff brought him out and down to Student Services where a bunch of people spoke with him about everything that was going on…his classes, the bullying, his life.

They called in the Cavalry and I was thrilled.  Oh, not because Sean had a meltdown.  Rather, so Sean could see that there’s a whole team there to help him when he needs it.  I hope he knows that now.

You’re probably wondering where the control freak in me is in this story, aren’t you?

While this was all going on, I called Rich at work.

“Sean’s missing.  He’s upset.  What should I do?”

Rich said I should go to school…see what I could do.

I grabbed my cell phone and ran out the door.  I arrived at the high school in just a few minutes.

I pulled into the parking lot…maneuvered into a space….

And sat there.

I wanted to go in.  I wanted to find him myself and hug him tight and tell him that everything was going to be ok.

But I sat there instead.

Then I backed my car up…pulled out into the high school driveway…and drove away.

It killed me inside.

What if I was doing the wrong thing?  What if they didn’t know how to handle him? 

Sean’s only been there a couple of months.  How would they know what to say or do to calm him?

Do I turn back?

I drove home and waited.  They said they would call after they got done talking with him.

So I waited.

And then waited some more.

Every minute was like torture. 

I didn’t know what was going on and for anyone who knows me, knows that that kills me.

Kills me…

After a couple of hours I finally gave in to my instincts and called the school.  Sean was fine and back in class.  His schedule was going to be altered and some more help put into place.

Everything was ok…or going to be.

And aside from a few phone calls, I didn’t have to do a thing.  Other people handled it and they did just fine. 

Imagine that?

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not about to give up my title of Ultimate Control Freak. 

But maybe next time I won’t beat myself up in the car so much about not being there.

Then again, maybe next time I’ll just run into the damn school!