I think I finally fell asleep last night/this morning moments before the royal wedding began. My mind was swirling after an eventful evening at work.
Frustrated? Angry? You bet.
But as I lay in bed tossing and turning, I began to wonder exactly who I am.
Where did this angry, full of fight, vengeful person come from?
I used to be so quiet.
In fact, way back in the last millennium, my brother Ken wrote a poem about the family for Christmas. Each sibling was singled out with their own little verse.
"Frances so quiet and so serene... To you Life could never be so mean."
So where did this person that I have become, come from?
In a nice-nice world, I could say it comes naturally from the mother-cub bond. But where that relationship is protective, I am more angry.
And I believe Autism is the cause.
Not because of the diagnosis....no. But because of the reaction of the world out there. The ignorance. The judging with the "I know better than you" attitude. The insurance companies. The services...or lack there of.
How much have I had to fight? How much have Rich and I had to fight?
It's exhausting. But you do it.
And you can almost never relax. An insurance denial. A look from a stranger out in public. A mess up in the schedule.
A fighter. Always a fighter.
And then the bus comes. You kiss your kid and send him off for the day.
You close the door and unlace your gloves but you never quite take them off. You breath a sigh of relief and relax your stance for just a moment.
Eventually, the phone rings, the mail comes, the unkind word is spoken....
You come out of your corner, ready to fight again.
So TGIF my friends....TGIF....
And for my son.... TGIF.... Thank God I'm Fighting.